eisforeyeball

My latest audiobook narration release

Synopsis

Like Poe on nitrous oxide.

Have you ever wanted to escape?

Ever wished you were a character in a story?

Be careful what you wish for.

I wanted that once, too. And now here I am. And it sucks.

How did I get here?

What did I do to deserve this?

Trapped in the nightmarish world of Edgar Allan Poe – sort of.

Why are these tales so much worse than the originals?

Why is everyone I meet so annoying? And what’s the deal with their wonky eyeballs?

E is for Eyeball is what happens when you put works of public domain into the hands of an incompetent lunatic.

Horrific. Hilarious. Ridiculous.

You’ll laugh till your eyes pop out.

“A real mustn’t listen.” -Every Critic Ever

Get your copy today!

These audiobooks do not need to be heard in alphabetical order. Mix and match! Trade with friends!

on Audible                on Amazon

CIsForCookieMy latest audiobook narration release

Synopsis

What makes those cookies so gosh-darned yummy?

“You need to get a job,” Father said to his children. “You’re in your mid-20s. Time to get out my house.” And so they did.

Hansel and Gretel are two long-haul truckers, a brother and sister team, whose work order is simple: Deliver a truckload of cookies across country to an old witch in the forest. They accept the job, despite the rumors that those who deliver cookies sometimes don’t make it back. When they stop to pick up their load, they notice something isn’t right. Pastries shouldn’t be bleeding and screaming and trying to escape their boxes.

Years ago, a rather ugly child lived in an orphanage. She was picked on mercilessly until one by one the orphans went missing. Now an old witch with a cookie addiction, she sits alone in her mansion made of sweets, waiting for her delivery of baked goods with the one special ingredient in them.

Will Hansel and Gretel make their delivery on time? Will they make it out alive? Will Hansel finally admit that Gretel is the better driver?

Indulge your appetite and feast your eyes on this new twist on an age-old tale.

Note: This series does not need to be listened to in alphabetical order. Mix and match! Trade with friends!

on Audible                on Amazon