My latest audiobook narration release

Synopsis

Franks Wurst: The food of the future!

Try one today!

Many years have passed since Victor Frankenstein built his monster. The population has grown out of control. The food supply is getting low.

Solution?

Designer children.

Parents surrender their children from birth so that new ones can be made from the best of the parts.

Well, most of them.

Some children grow up Normal. The N-Word. Lower class. Unable to land jobs. Mistakenly killed by cops over and over again.

Franks franchises are popping up like weeds. With only one thing on the menu, hot dogs. The low-cost way to feed billions. And people love them.

But when meat becomes scarce, a new item appears on the menu: Franks Wurst. It’s not long before that’s all anyone eats.

One night, Mr. Simonson, the Chairman of Franks, gets a crowbar to the skull.

He knew the secret recipe that not even he was supposed to know.

And the more time marches on, the weirder things get. And nobody’s questioning it.

Except for one: A Normal named Maria Shelton who finds the whole thing disturbing. The world’s addiction to Franks Wurst, the murder, and now Normals are disappearing by the hundreds. She’ll figure out just what the hell is going on. Even if it’s the last thing she does. 

And the more she digs, the deeper the conspiracy runs. It just may be the last thing she does.

Oh, Maria, what have you gotten yourself into?

It’s Frankenstein meets Soylent Green. Mary Shelley meets Charlton Heston. A crazy tale that you’d come to expect only from this author.

By the way, he can’t tell you what Franks Wurst is made of, but what he can say is it is not not people.

Note: These audiobooks do not need to be listened in alphabetical order. Mix and match! Trade with friends!

on Audible                on Amazon

Advertisements

discarded

My latest audiobook narration release

Synopsis

Magic has been franchised. Magical conveniences are sold everywhere like designer coffee. Everyday life is filled with technical and magical wonders. Only, the magic is murdering people.

Thoth Corp’s hot new spell is turning people into ravening monsters. Their only hope to quietly rectify the situation before the epidemic spreads is the spell architect they framed and sent to prison.

El’s response to his former partners wasn’t polite.

Homeless, forbidden to use government-regulated magic, and barely surviving out of dumpsters, Eli struggles to rebuild his life. Fairytale rats thought long extinct with the rest of the fey rescue Eli from murderous vigilantes, but at a cost. They force him to save fairy matrons stolen away by Thoth’s monsters, thrusting Eli between his old company and a shadow war waged against humanity.

To stop the war, cure Thoth’s victims, and rescue the city, Eli need only find some way to make magic out of trash.

on Audible                on Amazon

eisforeyeball

My latest audiobook narration release

Synopsis

Like Poe on nitrous oxide.

Have you ever wanted to escape?

Ever wished you were a character in a story?

Be careful what you wish for.

I wanted that once, too. And now here I am. And it sucks.

How did I get here?

What did I do to deserve this?

Trapped in the nightmarish world of Edgar Allan Poe – sort of.

Why are these tales so much worse than the originals?

Why is everyone I meet so annoying? And what’s the deal with their wonky eyeballs?

E is for Eyeball is what happens when you put works of public domain into the hands of an incompetent lunatic.

Horrific. Hilarious. Ridiculous.

You’ll laugh till your eyes pop out.

“A real mustn’t listen.” -Every Critic Ever

Get your copy today!

These audiobooks do not need to be heard in alphabetical order. Mix and match! Trade with friends!

on Audible                on Amazon

enslavedMy latest audiobook narration release

Synopsis

A mother’s secret. A son’s destiny.

Can humanity be delivered from certain extinction?

Cosette Sinclair, pregnant with an illegal second child, makes a discovery that will change the course of humanity. While on assignment to find a habitable planet for mankind’s first colony, she witnesses a tear in space – a gateway for a devastating alien invasion. Now, she’s faced with the heart-wrenching choice between saving her unborn child and saving the world.

Moshie lives in a culture where competition is prized above all else. His mother raises him to dominate every creature he encounters. As Moshie trains for the day when he will rule an ancient alien civilization, a whisper in the young man’s mind calls him to something greater. Can he put aside a lifetime of striving for power and heed the cry to save the most undeserving?

She has one chance to save the human race. He has one chance to save himself. Both learn that trusting their long-hated enemies might be their only chance of survival.

Enslaved is the first book in the Exodus Chronicles, a captivating saga of humanity’s final struggle. If you like action-packed adventure, complex characters, and alien worlds, then you’ll love D. Robert Pease’s imaginative interstellar homage to the Book of Exodus.

Buy Enslaved today and chart a course to the promised land….

on Audible                on Amazon

AlphabetBooksABCMy latest audiobook narration release

Synopsis

Not your kids’ fairy tales…

Raw.

Irreverent.

On the brink of lunacy.

Three tales so twisted, they’ll make you question your own sanity.

Goldilocks and the Mob.

Hansel and Gretel and the Cannibal Cookies.

A madcap romp through the Garden of Eden.

A tasteless blend of the familiar and unusual, the lucid and surreal.

Outlandish. Hysterical. And many more adjectives.

Comedy, horror, and fairy tales all in one big ol’ word-buffet. You’ll be asking for seconds.

on Audible                on Amazon

DisForDwarfMy latest audiobook narration release

Synopsis

Long ago, in a land far away, there lived a beautiful princess named Snow White.

Okay, it wasn’t long ago, it was just a few minutes ago. And it wasn’t far away, it was the Bad Apple Miniature Golf Course/Action Fun Park in New Jersey.

Come join your favorite characters: Snow White, the Queen, the Pepperoni Prince, and of course, the dwarves – Farty, Disorderly, Complimentary, Turkey, Sleazy, Juicy, and Smug. All the things you remember from your happiest childhood story, like talking mirrors, poison apples, magic bungee cords, zombies, and flatulence. Guaranteed to bring on that old nostalgic feeling.

Note: These audiobooks do not need to be heard in alphabetical order. Mix and match! Trade with friends!

on Audible                on Amazon

CIsForCookieMy latest audiobook narration release

Synopsis

What makes those cookies so gosh-darned yummy?

“You need to get a job,” Father said to his children. “You’re in your mid-20s. Time to get out my house.” And so they did.

Hansel and Gretel are two long-haul truckers, a brother and sister team, whose work order is simple: Deliver a truckload of cookies across country to an old witch in the forest. They accept the job, despite the rumors that those who deliver cookies sometimes don’t make it back. When they stop to pick up their load, they notice something isn’t right. Pastries shouldn’t be bleeding and screaming and trying to escape their boxes.

Years ago, a rather ugly child lived in an orphanage. She was picked on mercilessly until one by one the orphans went missing. Now an old witch with a cookie addiction, she sits alone in her mansion made of sweets, waiting for her delivery of baked goods with the one special ingredient in them.

Will Hansel and Gretel make their delivery on time? Will they make it out alive? Will Hansel finally admit that Gretel is the better driver?

Indulge your appetite and feast your eyes on this new twist on an age-old tale.

Note: This series does not need to be listened to in alphabetical order. Mix and match! Trade with friends!

on Audible                on Amazon