AlphabetBooksABCMy latest audiobook narration release

Synopsis

Not your kids’ fairy tales…

Raw.

Irreverent.

On the brink of lunacy.

Three tales so twisted, they’ll make you question your own sanity.

Goldilocks and the Mob.

Hansel and Gretel and the Cannibal Cookies.

A madcap romp through the Garden of Eden.

A tasteless blend of the familiar and unusual, the lucid and surreal.

Outlandish. Hysterical. And many more adjectives.

Comedy, horror, and fairy tales all in one big ol’ word-buffet. You’ll be asking for seconds.

on Audible                on Amazon

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DisForDwarfMy latest audiobook narration release

Synopsis

Long ago, in a land far away, there lived a beautiful princess named Snow White.

Okay, it wasn’t long ago, it was just a few minutes ago. And it wasn’t far away, it was the Bad Apple Miniature Golf Course/Action Fun Park in New Jersey.

Come join your favorite characters: Snow White, the Queen, the Pepperoni Prince, and of course, the dwarves – Farty, Disorderly, Complimentary, Turkey, Sleazy, Juicy, and Smug. All the things you remember from your happiest childhood story, like talking mirrors, poison apples, magic bungee cords, zombies, and flatulence. Guaranteed to bring on that old nostalgic feeling.

Note: These audiobooks do not need to be heard in alphabetical order. Mix and match! Trade with friends!

on Audible                on Amazon

BisforBear

My latest audiobook narration release

Synopsis

Once upon a time, there were three bears.

Jimmy DiFrenzo is the head of one of the Figarazzi family, one of the toughest mob families around. He loves his gabagool, his gold chains, and his chest hair. He lives in a nice suburban home with his adoring wife and child. The perfect, yet hackneyed, life of a Sicilian American. But he has secrets.

Blondie is a spoiled little rich girl who always gets her way. When her life becomes tedious, she begins a life of breaking into random homes. She never steals anything; she’s in it for the excitement. All is going swimmingly, till she finds herself the wrong house.

“Someone”s been using my hair gel!”

“Someone’s been eating my gabagool!”

“Someone’s been sleeping on my couch! And there she is!”

Just who is this blond bitch that has broken into Jimmy’s home? Did she really pick the wrong house, or does she have a plan? Perhaps she has secrets, too. Come witness this remix of an age-old classic. This ain’t your grandma’s fairy tale

on Audible                on Amazon

 

AIsForAdamMy latest audiobook narration release

Synopsis

And on the sixth day, God created man.

Adam is the first human being all alone in the Garden of Eden. He has everything he needs, but he sure is lonely.

One morning he awakens to find his body flayed open. Could it be kidney thieves? No, God has stolen a rib to make him a companion. Why he couldn’t have just made Eve out of dirt like Adam was, is beyond him. Adam and Eve are living in relative peace in Paradise until trouble comes to the Garden in the form of a snake. He convinces Eve to eat the Fruit from the Tree of Knowledge, and she convinces Adam to do the same. This makes God very angry, and he banishes them to the desert to fend for themselves.

Why are they suddenly knowing things they shouldn’t? Why are twigs sprouting out from their body? How did their goat learn the words to all these Phil Collins songs?

Follow me, as we journey together through one man’s complete misunderstanding of the Book of Genesis.

on Audible                on Amazon